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Bangkok traffic clock - what is the best time to book? lets talk about it below..
So yesterday my massage therapist was 2 hours late. TWO HOURS
Not her fault tho - she left lat phrao on time but hit that 5:30pm sukhumvit thing where everything just... stops. By the time she got here id eaten an entire bag of testo (the big one) and my back hurt worse from lying weird on the couch
Thats when i went full psycho and started tracking bangkok traffic. Like actually tracking it. Spreadsheet and everything. 47 bookings later i finally figured out when you can actually get a kavana therapist to your door in under an hour
The Only Times That Work (I Tested This)
Never Book During These Times (Trust Me)
Weird Patterns Nobody Talks About
Rain = add 45 mins minimum. The second it drizzles every car in bangkok forgets how to drive. Now i check weather before booking always
But buddhist holidays? Roads are EMPTY. Wan phra days especially - everyones at temple. Had a therapist arrive in 25 mins on visakha bucha. Shocked both of us lol
School holidays change everything too. When international schools are off, no range rovers doing school runs = morning traffic actually moves
Protests or royal motorcades tho... just reschedule. Had therapist stuck for 3 hours once. We both gave up. She went home. I ate more testo
Different Areas Are Completely Different
Silom/sathorn 8-10am and 5-7pm weekdays = banker rush hour hell. But weekends randomly fine
Thonglor/ekkamai 7-9pm is actually ok cos traffics going TO bars not through them
Riverside hotels just add 30 mins to everything always. That saphan taksin area is cursed i swear
My Dumb Experiments
I got so obsessed i started doing actual experiments
Also tried paying for "express service" during rush hour... traffic doesnt care about your express fee lmao
Even asked therapist to take bts once. She arrived faster but was exhausted from carrying everything. Felt so bad. Dont do this
What Therapists Told Me
Started chatting with the therapists about this and omg they have STORIES
Most places send therapists super early during rush times. So ur 6pm booking? Therapist leaving at 4:30 right into peak traffic
Some therapists straight up refuse certain areas now. One girl wont do sathorn 5-7pm anymore after being stuck 3 hours. Dont blame her
They HATE when ppl book for exactly when they get home from work. Like if u get home at 6:30 dont book 6:30!! Book 7:30 or 8
Hack That Changed My Life
Ready? Book the night before for late morning next day
Sounds obvious but listen - instead of panicking at 5pm when ur back hurts trying to get someone through rush hour... just book tomorrow 10:30am. Take long lunch or wfh morning whatever
Therapist arrives happy, on time, ur not stressed. Everyone wins
Places That Are Always Fucked
- Victory monument - WHY is it always jammed??? Doesnt matter what time
- Ratchaprasong intersection - tourist central = always bad
- Asok-phrom phong stretch during any rush hour
- Chatuchak weekends (duh)
- Rama ix when theres exhibitions
- Don muang when domestic flights are busy
What I Do Now
Check if tomorrow morning works before trying same day
If has to be today only book during magic windows
Always check weather first
Never book friday evening (learned the hard way)
Sunday mornings are *chefs kiss* empty roads
The "Fast Arrival" BS
Some places promise "45 min guaranteed" which... LMAO sure if u live next door at 3am maybe
During normal hours? Physically impossible unless they have therapists every 2km (they dont)
At least kavana tells u honestly about arrival times. Way better than lying
Random Things That Help
Bangkok post traffic page sometimes warns about big events. Saved me from booking during marathon
Google maps "typical traffic" feature - check what traffic is usually like at ur booking time not current traffic
If ur at hotel near sukhumvit/silom therapists arrive fast even during rush hour cos theyre close
Late night bookings after 11pm usually fast but cost more and ur too sleepy to enjoy properly
Ok So Basically
Bangkok traffic is never not gonna suck but if u time it right u can actually get massage in under an hour. Just dont be stupid about when u book
Getting stressed about late therapist literally defeats the whole purpose of relaxing massage right??
